Today I had my fallopian tubes checked for blockage in a test called HSG.  Here’s how it went.

I was pretty nervous for this test because Jen told me that I would be crampy afterwards.  I don’t usually get nervous about these things, but for some reason I was sweating bullets.  Like, heart racing, sweaty palms, having to pee nervous.  I had planned to work from home today so that I could deal with the cramps with a heating pad, sweatpants, and maybe even sympathy massages from Mark, but that didn’t work out and I had to go into the office.

But, I was also excited.  A handful of my friends have had this done so I knew a little about it.  One of them had tried to conceive for two years, had this test done, and then conceived shortly afterwards.  So although I was very nervous, I was excited overall.

The test was not done in the doctor’s office; it was done at the nearby hospital in the radiation department.  I had to get there 30 minutes early to do some paperwork.  Sitting around for 30 minutes does great things for nervousness, let me tell you.  Finally a nerdy white boy called me back.  Great.  A dude is going to be all up in my business.  Not excited.

Nerdy boy led Mark and I through a winding maze of hallways to a huge xray room.  I changed into a hospital robe and entered the room.  He told me Mark was not allowed in- it just keeps getting better!  Luckily, he was not actually involved in the procedure and left me with Jen and two female nurses.  I laid down on the hard table and spread em.  This whole process has been really dignifying.

The nurses were nice and let Mark come in and I was so glad they did.  Having him there was really comforting.  He had to wear one of those xray vests and it happened to be green and sparkly, which I thought was a great look on him.

I can’t be held accountable for the rest of this post.  I’m going to attempt to explain complicated medical procedures in a simplistic way.  I’m not sure I fully understand exactly what happened, but the following is what I THINK happened.

Jen put a catheter in me that was filled with dye.  She also put a very small fingernail sized balloon in my uterus.  She then injected the dye and filled up the balloon with air.  The pressure from the balloon forced the dye into my fallopian tubes.  On the Xray you could see the dye go through the tubes.

OH MY GOSH it hurt.

They told me that my job was to keep my butt on the table, and I thought about what an easy job I had.  That was before she inflated the balloon.  Major pain.  On my drive back to work I thought about how I would describe the pain on this blog.  It didn’t feel like a punch to the stomach; it came from the inside.  I decided the best analogy I could make was it felt like a demon gremlin that was wearing steel toed boots was living inside my uterus, and with every ounce of demon gremlin strength he had, he geared back his foot and swiftly kicked me.

The good thing is the pain was short lived and faded relatively quickly.  A radiologist came in and looked at the dye going through my tubes.  He said “yep, yep” and then left.

Jen explained that there was some minor blockage that the dye and the pressure flushed out.  It was a good thing to get that blockage out.  Fertilization occurs in the fallopian tubes and now there is one less obstacle to that happening.  But, it was minor.  She said major blockages hurt so bad that the girls often pass out during this procedure.  The procedure will not fix those; they often require surgery or mean that the couple will probably never conceive.

So, overall I am glad that we did it and even more glad that it’s over with.  One less thing to think about.  We go back on Thursday to check for the big egg, and if it is big on Thursday we’ll do IUI again on Friday.  I do have some cramping but nothing like the devil gremlin.

Honestly, all of this is beginning to feel like formalities before we start adoption in October.  This weekend I asked Mark if he wanted to start that sooner…like today maybe…but it was a no go.  I guess we’ll see where this month takes us.


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