Making it to The List was a significant step in our adoption journey. However, it leaves me in a weird place emotionally.
For the last six months, I have been able to busy myself with the details of adoption. There were papers to write, doctors appointments to make, documents to mail. There were signatures to get, police records to obtain, home study visits to schedule. There was so much to do that it was a little overwhelming at times.
And now it’s all done. And now…we wait. And wait. And wait. And waitandwaitandwait.
And it just doesn’t seem fair. How can there be five million orphans in this little African country and I can’t just bring two of them home right now? People who have been there have told me that you will run into desperate mothers on the street that will offer to sell their children to you for twenty bucks.
Sell their children. For twenty bucks.
That thought breaks my heart and angers my mind. I understand the wait and could explain to you the logical reasons why, but right now I am feeling very impatient and heartbroken at the thought of it taking that long. When we first started, they told us it would take about 16 months from this point. Now they are saying 18-24 months. It feels like the last six months haven’t really gotten us very far, and that thought makes me want to stab pencils into my eyeballs.
By the time we get our kids, it will be four years after we were ready to start our family. Four excruciatingly long years. That’s high school, people. That’s being ready for something at 8th grade graduation and not getting it until high school graduation, and thinking about it every single day in between. Torture. (am I being dramatic? I feel a little dramatic. But I don’t want to sugarcoat things for you. It sucks.)
People tell you to do the things you won’t get to do after you get the kids. Take trips. Go out. Walk around naked. (TMI? Sorry.) Stay out late. Do spontaneous things. That’s all fine, but we’ve been doing those things for the seven years that we’ve been together. (don’t worry Dad, we didn’t start the naked thing til we were married…) We’ve taken full advantage of our time without kids. I guess I should be thankful that we still have plenty of those days left, but I would give them up in a heartbeat if we could get our kiddos faster. Mark is always better than I am about appreciating the moment we’re in and not getting too excited or anxious for what the future holds. I really need to learn to follow his lead on this one so I don’t go crazy.
It’s going to be a looooonnnnnggg journey.
I’m trying to find solace in verses like this…
Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait …Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. You, too, must be patient. Take courage, for the coming of the Lord is near. For examples of patience in suffering, dear brothers and sisters, look at the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy. (James 5 7-8, 10-11)
Got anymore for me?