Losing a Referral: Part One

Let’s do a quick recap of our family story thus far:

We started trying to have a baby over two years ago.  We started adoption over a year ago, with the plan to adopt young siblings.  Earlier this year, we felt the pull on our hearts to adopt older children instead.  In early May, we moved forward with a 5-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl.  We excitedly prepared our homes and our lives for these kids.  We researched schools and their ESL programs.  Our friends threw us adoption showers and gave us nice gifts. We read about attachment and issues that older children can have.  We painted the second bedroom and got bunk beds and a frog hamper.  We dreamed about the vacations we would take and the cheering we’d do at next summer’s soccer games.

Then on July 22nd I got the worst phone call of my life.  We found out that the girls’ father, who we had believed was dead, was actually alive.  In order to move forward with our adoption, they would have to track him down and he would have to relinquish his parental rights.  This put our whole adoption at risk.  At best, it would delay us by several months.

Then we found out I was pregnant!  This was a surprise, and we saw God’s timing all over it.  The baby would have been conceived right about the time we found out about the delays.  We felt like we were on top of the world- having a biological baby and getting our adopted kids at about the same time.  We knew it was going to be crazy and challenging, but that’s the way we roll.  We put our house on the market and put our vacation dreams on hold.

We told our social worker, who did not think it was going to be an issue.

That gets us to today.

September 22nd.  We had a call with our agency headquarters to talk about what the baby meant for our adoption.  I was not expecting much going into this call.  I thought it was basically a formality to make sure we understand how much our family is going to change, make sure we still wanted to move forward, etc.  No big deal.

I was wrong.  Wrong about it not being a big deal and wrong about getting the worst phone call of my life on July 22nd.

Today was the worst phone call of my life.

Today they told us we could not move forward with our adoption.

We are shocked.  We are heartbroken.  We are angry.

I could write a whole book about what happened and how we’re feeling, but you didn’t come to a blog to read a book.  Instead, I’ll have several posts over the next few days about how they told us and our reaction, how we felt after the news sunk in, how we’re feeling about the pregnancy, and where we go from here.

I can tell you that we are still adopting, but it’s very unlikely that it will be these kids.  And it won’t happen for a long time.

Thank you for your prayers.



Filed under Losing a Referral, Milestones

2 responses to “Losing a Referral: Part One

  1. Hope

    I’m so sorry!!!! I know your love for those kids was growing everyday in your heart. Just remember God has you life planned for you already. I will keep you and Mark in my prayers.

  2. Josh Burton

    I don’t know that acknowledging the wrongness of this would bring any healing to you too.

    Sometimes, all you can do is mourn and let go of the love you held, not as an act of spite, but in a willful act of surrender.

    I don’t know that there is something as the perfect plan of God, as the world seems to birth a lot of evil and pain. Though there is the perfect love of God, and the opportunity to let Him redeem this situation in the midst of your family.

    Hang in there, hold on to each other, and know that friends and family weep with you and wish there was a better outcome to this tender hope you have nursed along so faithfully.

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