The update on our adoption is that there is no update.
We are still working/pleading with the agency, but I really don’t think we’re going to get anywhere as far as adopting these specific kiddos now. Some days we’re okay with that, and some days it makes us really sad. We’re very hopeful that they will get the girl’s paperwork together and they’ll be adopted very soon.
We have another hurdle with the adoption. When we were researching agencies, we noticed a lot of them said they will not adopt “out of birth order.” We didn’t really know what that meant, but it wasn’t applicable to us at the time so we didn’t pay it much attention.
We recently found out what it means. It means that they will not place kids with you that are older than your oldest biological kid. So when our baby is one and we are allowed to continue the adoption, we would have to adopt a child younger than one.
That is not at all what we feel called to do.
I really can’t make sense of this rule, but it is pretty common across agencies. I did some quick Google research to understand, but I still can’t make any sense of it. I guess that if you add older children to a family it can make the biokids unsure of their position? If a biokid has always been the oldest child and identifies as such, and now they are the middle or youngest child, I can see where that can be confusing and difficult. I can also understand concern about adopting older children who may have anger issues that they take out on younger, weaker biokids.
But I don’t think a one-year-old identifies as the oldest sibling.
Not adopting out of birth order is a policy, but not a hard and firm rule. We are going to start socializing an exception process with our agency in the next few weeks. The burden to prove that we are serious and committed to this is on us. I want to know now what we can do that will make it easy to continue the adoption of older children in 18 months. We will take classes, read books, meet with other families, anything. But we truly feel that this is what we need to do.