To Know or Not to Know?

Years ago, way before we were ready to have children, the husband and I talked about this moment.  We dreamed about our future children and discussed things like what their names would be and how we would discipline.  We talked about the dreams we had for our kids and we talked about whether or not we would find out the gender before the baby came.

Back then, the husband thought it would be fun to be surprised.  I thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard.  How would you plan for the baby?  How would you decorate the nursery and buy the clothes?  How do you bond with a baby when you don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl?  I gave the husband a million reasons why that was a bad idea.

But he had a convincing argument.  He reminded me how much I love surprises.  He told me that by not finding out, people won’t give us a bunch of pink or blue things. Since I don’t like pink or blue or yellow or green or any pastels and want to have bright, fun colors, I can do a lot of preparation without knowing the gender.  He thought that not knowing the baby’s gender would motivate me through labor, and he thought it would be neat for him to tell me the gender in that special moment rather than an ultrasound tech in an exam room.

He convinced me.

The problem is, I convinced him too.

So now, I want to be surprised and he wants to find out.  And we both feel pretty strongly.  And we have to come to an agreement by November 10th, our next appointment.

We’ve both told the other one that if we get our way this time, they can have their way the next time…if there is a next time.

I proposed putting a poll on here and letting you guys decide, but that made us both a little nervous.  I mean we love you, but that’s a pretty big decision to leave in your hands.  Unless, of course, you agree with me.

So what do you think?  I can’t promise that the majority will decide our disagreement, but maybe it can help sway one of ours Mark’s opinion.

PS: See how fun a brightly colored nursery can be?  No boring greens and yellows….

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19 Comments

Filed under Baby, Just for Fun

19 responses to “To Know or Not to Know?

  1. Beth Dynkowski

    Sorry Mark! I say wait. What else today can you really be super surprised about anymore?? I think it makes the birth day just a bit more exciting. Plus, the minute you tell folks – it’s all Pink or all Blue.

  2. LOL’d at this post 🙂 Of course we haven’t been there (yet), but my feeling has always been that she who incubates the human gets to decide… so I agree with, err, Jayme?? 😉

  3. Kaydee

    I hate the color pink, and I also hate little boys having to look a certain way and little girls another. BUT, who says that just because you know it’s a boy or a girl you have to paint the room pastel pink or blue? Everything you register for will be what you want, the colors you want. Those closest to you won’t buy pastel pink or blue (except maybe Mom and Grandma…), we will buy you what we know you like. Sure, you will probably get some pastel pink dresses and blue pants; but even if you don’t know the sex you will get some ugly things you don’t like. So, if you really want a surprise… I think your weird. joking.
    But seriously, in the end it won’t matter either way. I would personally want to buy some dresses for a girl and things with cars for a boy; if only so people know which sex it is. And, I would maybe want a monogram or their name in their room or on a blanket. But that’s my personal preference… and I don’t like surprises.
    On the day you give birth(and for the days to come) whether if you know the sex or not it will be the most miraculous experience, and you will be full of surprises- what s/he looks like, her/his personality, etc. And who knows, maybe if you find out its a girl they missed a little penis and a he will come out… that would be a real big surprise!

  4. I say surprise. Here’s another argument for you. Forgive me, because it may be a bit selfish, as it involves all of the lovely things your friends/family will buy you.
    If people do not know the gender of your baby, they will be forced to buy you practical gifts at your showers: car seats, diaper bag, receiving blankets, bottles, diapers, etc. This is stuff that you NEED, and it is expensive to buy if you don’t have it. People will not be able to buy you “cutesy” things, such as little pink dresses, “Daddy’s little slugger” baseball bibs and a million outfits, that will most likely be worn only once (possibly not at all) because babies grow so fast and the seasons change. While unwrapping an adorable little dress with leggings complete with matching Mary Jane shoes does get a nice “awwww” at a shower, let’s face it, most of the time babies live in onesies and sleepers that can easily be bought to work with either gender. Also, you can still buy all of the Mizzou attire that you like because let’s face it, your kid is going to be decked out in that stuff more than anything else. 🙂

    Plus, I love surprises.

  5. Tressa

    With Aurora, we wanted to wait. We were adament about not finding out. Then, we had the scary night right before our 20-week “Big Ultrasound Day” and completely changed our minds and found out that she was a she. We didn’t want there to be anymore surprises.

    WIth Smithlet (my sister’s new nickname for Little One), we told the tech we wanted to know once she checked everything else out, as long as it was all ok. (My list of “after you check this and this and this” was long – I think she thought I was crazy.)

    Both times, we debated a lot. But, when then moment came, we knew which way we wanted it to be. I bet you guys will know then, too. Honestly though, when you look back, I don’t think it will matter. Even now, both times we were told that we were having a little girl, that’s not the huge moment that sticks out in my mind for either of our daughters.

    We didn’t tell family right away though. They found out that weekend when I made cake pops – with pink cake on the inside. Bite into the cake pop, find out the gender. While we did find out the in the room, it was a fun way to tell family. (Although the wait about killed my sister.) A couple of “alternatives” you might consider to just finding out in the room (that we thought about doing).
    1. Have the tech write the gender on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope (security envelope so there’s no peeking!). Then you and Mark can open it, privately, later in a moment that is special to just you guys. Or wait to open it.
    2. Do the envelope thing, but have her make to. Take one to a trusted baker and have them make a cake, but with the filling being either blue or pink. Have a get-together with family and when you cut the cake – gender revealed. Plus, who doesn’t like cake?

    Also – for what it’s worth – I’m not a huge fan of pinks and blues either. I do love pastels and neutral colors. Once we do a nursery (a few months down the road – we are planning on her being in a crib in our room for quite some time first), it will be shades of browns, light greens and yellows with lots of letters and numbers. Maybe more numbers than letters…. 🙂 I will say though, I am a big fan of the “primary colors” nurseries.

  6. Brynn Owings

    So we’re due within like a month of each other, and I just found out a week and half ago that we’re having a boy! I can’t stand surprises! I also am against the pastel pink or baby blues for a room, and as soon as I found out boy, I got online and found something perfect for a little boy that has no baby blue! It’s actually dark brown, with brightly colored dinosaurs all over it! Will people still buy me some baby blues? Of course they will! But his room wont’ be decked out in it, and let’s face it, if it’s something hideous, it can be exchanged!!! Also, if you guys don’t decide before the ultrasound what you want to do, you can have the ultrasound tech put it in a sealed envelope (so you’ll know if he peeks!!!), and if you both decide you want to know, then you have it and can find out together at home without some random ultrasound tech there! Whatever you decide, all that matters is that there’s a healthy little baby in there! Good luck!!

  7. I think you should play “Rock, Papers, Scissors” and decide. OR consult the Magic 8 Ball. I think it would be fun to be surprised as long as you aren’t leaning one way or the other for either a boy or girl. I REALLY wanted a girl, Chip had no opinion. I’m glad I found out ahead or time. It gave me time to mentally prepare for life with a boy. Either way you chose, you don’t have to share that information with anyone else. You can keep it to yourself. On the subject of decor, I love the first room with the wall art from the second.

  8. Mark

    I like Tressa’s idea about the cake! That would be awesome!

  9. Mark

    Our life is not short on surprises…lol. 🙂

  10. Leah

    You guys should definitely wait. I’m sure it will be hard, but it will be so worth it!!

  11. Katy Hathaway

    I vote for you guys to find out! Even if you know the sex, there will be PLENTY of motivation to get that beautiful baby out of there!! Mark will still get to do all kinds of cool things like give you ice and cut the cord. Plus, for me it was nice to have a gender to match who has been kicking me… Life will give you tons of other surprises. Congrats, I hope you are having so much fun with all of this!

  12. Bridgett

    We were going to find out at the 20 week ultrasound, but my girl had her ankles crossed! She made us wait until a 3D/4D ultrasound at 27 weeks. It was fun, though, because we had ALL our family in there for that one. So either way, the baby might have other plans! Personally, I wanted to have a name picked out and be able to bond with my girl before she was born. It would have been hard on me to go the whole pregnancy thinking it was one gender and have it turn out the other. I like the idea of having the tech seal it in an envelope. That way, at home, you could have a video camera aimed at your face when you open it!
    Also, I’m not a fan of everything pink on pink. BUT, I’ve found I like the color a lot more when she’s wearing it. 🙂

  13. Kelly

    I’m a lot like Jayme’s original arguments…I need to be prepared, I need this and that, etc.

    We still had some magical moments even though we found out early from the gender reveal party to the delivery. I was so excited to tell everyone and for everyone to find out at the same time was awesome. Plus it gave us another reason to have a get together to honor our little baby! It gave me something to plan and enjoy. That party was also a little memory that I had of my baby since I don’t have that many so I truly treasure it. This also gave us an opportunity to share something special with the guys in our lives since a lot of guys traditionally don’t go to baby showers (but who is really traditional anymore, ;)).

    The birth was still very special. I believe that since I knew what my baby was it allowed me to focus on the miracle and grow an extra special bond with my baby ahead of time. Of course there is still a little suspense during delivery to see if the tech was right or if they made a little blunder.

    With all that said…I believe that you should do what you feel is best and to enjoy it to the fullest. There may be ways that both of you can still get what you want. I’ve heard of many different scenarios so there isn’t a right or wrong way. I’ve heard of people going to the store and picking out an outfit, telling the clerk to put in the bag the gender of what the tech wrote on a piece of paper, then going home and opening it in front of everyone or just themselves. I’ve heard of one spouse finding out and the other spouse still keeping it a surprise…I wouldn’t be good at that because I know I would have slipped or bought something to give it away. I’ve heard that only the spouses find out to keep that between themselves so they still have the surprise on the day of the birth with everyone else. There are so many different things you can do. Good luck with your decision!

  14. Christina R

    First of all, I think it’s funny that the 2nd room’s walls are green. :p

    Secondly, I vote waiting. I’m always a little disappointed whenever I learn a friend has been told the sex of their baby before it’s born. I feel like nobody waits any more.

  15. Aunt Annette

    I vote to find out and call your favorite aunt, meeeee and tell me as soon as you know. I have a veeeeery inquiring mind. I will be excited either way, but I can see many advantages to planning ahead. I liked the last # 3 bedroom or the lady bug bedroom. The orange in the # 1 bedroom was pretty but it would take many coats of paint to change it when, not if, you get tired of it. P.S. I get to hold this cutie first after mom, dad and maybe Kaydee!

  16. Tiffany Moody

    You’ll be surprised no matter when you find out! Either day will be special. Finding out may decrease some of the anxiety, especially with all the other decisions you have to make and all the other craziness that comes along with having a baby. As far as pink or blue, just tell your family and friends you don’t want clothes or the sterotypical pink/blue, and they should just buy you stuff from your registry; the stuff you pick out!

  17. What did you guys end up doing?

    When we had Ansley, I told Ryan I didn’t want to know. At the visit, we had the sonographer put the gender in an envelope. Ryan found out, and I did not. He kept the secret to himself the WHOLE pregnancy.

    • P.S. Ryan did slip a few times, and said the gender – but the wrong gender. He kept referring to baby as “he” – so weird! Anyway, at the birth – I totally forgot to ask. I just remember the moment Ryan told me our baby’s gender 🙂

      Anyway you do it, its a suprise!! So excited for your baby!!!

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