Yesterday was a nursery work day. I had been anxiously awaiting this day and was so excited to see how the things I had been visualizing in my mind came to life. And I’m afraid that I won’t have pictures to share for awhile still- there’s still a lot left to do!
Leading up to the day, I couldn’t help but ponder where we’re at and how we got here.
On the one hand, I am really enjoying my pregnancy. After trying for so long, it is not something I take for granted. I can feel Nugget moving every day, and I love my growing belly. I feel like a woman. I’m thankful that I have felt great and have not yet experienced any difficult parts of pregnancy. I can feel myself nesting, and I love it. It’s nice to be able to slow down and take the time to enjoy and reflect on the miracle growing inside me. I like that I have the time to think about silly details like what fabric I want to use to make curtains, what baskets to put on the shelves, what music I want playing during labor.
But, it’s December. December is when we were hoping to bring our Ethiopian kiddos home. We’re not going to have them at this Christmas, or at next Christmas either. That’s a really hard pill to swallow.
As we are taking the time to focus on little Nugget and all the preparations it takes to be ready for her, I can’t help but think of the things we aren’t doing. In some ways, it’s nice. Preparing for your first baby would be much harder if we were also trying to sell the house, planning trips to Africa, and starting the bonding process with two kids we just met. But hard’s okay with me. Hard’s what makes life worth living, what gives it meaning.
I’m so thankful to have the time to dote on our first-born, months before his arrival. My life is slower-paced right now than it has been for years. But it just feels a little…indulgent. It feels like there is a puzzle piece missing.