Dear Nuggie-

You are due to make your entrance into this world three short weeks from today.

How did we get here?  I started dating Daddy when I was a 20-year-old sophomore at Mizzou.  We were in the same business fraternity, Alpha Kappa Psi, and had a lot of mutual friends. I soon fell in love with his generous heart, his hearty laugh, his fun spirit, and his muscular arms.  We had a lot of great times in college and got married a few months after graduation.  Eventually we started feeling like we had even more love to give.

That’s when we started trying to have you.  It didn’t work, and after a few months we were feeling discouraged.  After about a year, we knew something was wrong and started seeing a doctor.  The doctor tried to help, but we were never able to conceive.  This broke my heart.  There were times I would get home from the doctor, curl into a ball, and cry and cry and cry.  I knew there were lots more options that we hadn’t explored, but after several months visiting the doctor I needed a break.

In the meantime, we started the process of adopting two children from Ethiopia.  Daddy and I had always talked about adoption, and since we couldn’t get pregnant and were ready for kids it seemed like a good time to do it.  We were soon matched with two children and began imagining them as part of our family.  Nearly a year after we sent in the adoption application, on July 22 2011, we learned that there were some delays and did not know how much they would slow us down.   This was very hard news to hear- yet another delay to building the family we had been trying to build for so long.

A few weeks after that, my period was late.  That wasn’t very uncommon so I didn’t think much of it.  I went on with my daily life.  When it still didn’t come, I took a pregnancy test- one of a dozen I had taken over the past couple of years, always with a negative result.  At this point, I didn’t even allow myself to feel hopeful when I took those tests.

This time was different.  This time I saw a very faint positive line.  It was Monday morning, August 8 2011.  I went to work and didn’t tell a soul.  I went to the doctor at work, who confirmed the positive result.  I was pregnant!!!

This was two days before your Daddy’s birthday, and all day long I teased him that I had the best birthday present ever.  After work, I made your Daddy hide while I put some Mizzou binkies and a little Royals onesie in a gift bag with the positive test and a note.  I put a gift certificate in the card and called him downstairs.

I was ready with the camera, which made him nervous that he wouldn’t properly react to “the best gift ever.”  He didn’t seem that excited at first, but  eventually he realized what was going on and looked at me with tears in his eyes.  After trying for so long, he didn’t even think of this as a possibility- especially while not under the care of a doctor.  We cried together and then got ice cream to celebrate!

Life was crazy for the next few weeks.  Now we had three kids to prepare for- and we only lived in a two bedroom townhouse!  We put the house on the market and started planning like crazy.  A few weeks later as my first trimester drew to a close, we told the adoption agency our wonderful news.  We were shocked when they would not let us continue with our adoption, no matter how hard we fought them.  Our hearts broke again.  I went through a rough time.  I was so happy to have you growing inside of me, but so sad to lose the kids we had fallen in love with halfway around the world.  I cried tears of joy and tears of sadness, sometimes at the same time.

Luckily, you were very good to me during this time.  I was constantly tired but I was never sick.  As the days and weeks ticked by, I fell more and more in love with you.  I loved my growing belly.  I loved reading what advancements you were making that week.  Daddy took pictures of me every week.  We started thinking about names and nursery colors.  Daddy and I argued about whether or not we would find out the gender- I didn’t want to, and that’s eventually what we decided.  We tried to do lots of spontaneous, fun things before you got here!  Aunt Kaydee and I went to Dallas to shop for you, and ended up renting a Uhaul to tow stuff back- the first time I had towed anything.  The furniture we got did not survive the trip very well, but Daddy was able to put it back together.

The next few months flew by.  I truly had an easy pregnancy.  My body really started to change around month five and I had some back pain, but I learned how to adjust.  I never had many of the negative pregnancy symptoms that some women do.  Now, at three weeks out, I have gained about 30 pounds- mostly in my belly!  My ankles are swollen- thanks for the cankles- but they don’t hurt.  You are a really active baby; sometimes you do really crazy things in there!  Daddy likes watching you from the outside.  Right now your little butt is under my right ribcage.  You are head down in preparation for birth, but you are facing frontwards and need to be facing backwards.  The midwife told me to crawl around for 15 minutes a day, but if you could just go ahead and turn I would really appreciate that.  The dogs really like it when I crawl, but it’s not much fun for me.  I really like carrying you around and haven’t yet gotten to the point where I just want you out- in fact, I rather enjoy carrying you everywhere I go!

We don’t know if you’re a boy or a girl so we have names picked out for both.   We truly have no idea what you are, but I really really really think you’re a boy!  I’m going to be pretty surprised if Daddy hands me a little baby girl.

We are so excited to meet you!  We have a lot of things we’re looking forward to doing with you.  The All Star game is in Kansas City this year and Daddy is so excited to experience that with you.  We have a lot of friends with young kids and we know you’re going to have so much fun growing up with them.  We know you won’t be perfect and that you’ll test our patience many times, but we know we’ll love you no matter what.

What do I hope for you?

  • I hope you’ll retain your innocence for as long as you can
  • I hope you’ll love the Lord and that that love will reflect to all who know you
  • I really hope you’ll sleep through the night as soon as it’s safe to
  • I hope you’ll be conscious of what you put on and in your body
  • I hope you’ll take care of the Earth
  • I hope you’ll treat the opposite sex and animals kindly
  • I hope you fall in love with a great person
  • I hope you’ll discover your passion in life, and discover a way to make money doing it
  • I hope you don’t always get what you want
  • I hope you see the best in others, but limit negative people’s influence in your life
  • Most importantly, I hope you don’t like the jayhawks

I still can’t quite believe you’re going to be here so soon.  We have the carseat and stroller.  The crib is set up.  Your room is stocked with diapers.  We’re ready to meet you…but not too ready!  Keep cooking and we’ll see you in a few weeks!

Love,

Mommy

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7 Comments

Filed under Baby, Letters, Preparing for Kids

7 responses to “Dear Nuggie-

  1. How sweet …

    Except that jayhawks part. Little one – I hope you LOVE the rock chalk 🙂

  2. anne

    Well you got me crying….so excited to meet this little person. I can’t think of 2 better parents than you and mark! Wishing u a healthy and productive labor and delivery!

  3. You made me cry, too! It’s hard to believe he’s almost here!!! I cannot wait to see her grow and learn, like a little case study I can follow forever! 🙂
    I love you, Nugget. And always remember that Aunt Kaydee loves you, and the Jayhawks are champions.

  4. I LOVE 99% of this. I’ll bet you can guess where the 1% is 😉

    But 1000%, I’m so thrilled for you and I know you’ll both make amazing parents and will nurture a person who will grow to be a tremendously positive force in our world. If anyone “deserves” to have a child, it’s certainly the two of you. HAPPY BABY 🙂

  5. Yay baby! What a fun and sweet letter that they’ll get to have!

  6. Eva

    Hi Jayme-
    You don’t know me. I went to high school with Mark. I’ve been following your blog as he posts links to it on Facebook. Your story immediately tugged on my heart strings because it also took me over a year to finally conceive our little guy, with one miscarriage on the way. I am so happy to hear of your latest updates!! Nothing is like meeting your newborn for the first time, especially when he’s all you’ve wanted for so long! My son is now 14 mos old and we hope to try for #2 in the fall. I admire your passion for adoption and have always considered that road as well. I wish you the best in that endeavor in the future! I just felt compelled to reach out because I really think your story is beautiful. I’ve enjoyed your honesty and your raw emotions (even though almost everytime I read your blog, it makes me cry)!!
    So, thanks for sharing 🙂

    • justjames44

      Nice to meet you, Eva, and thanks for the note! Mark showed me your pics on facebook and your little one is sure a cutie! Best of luck with #2, hope it doesnt take as long this time. If you do decide to go the adoption route and ever want to talk about that, I’m always here!

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