I’m still pregnant.
Today I’m a full week past my due date, and I’m having a tough time.
Not physically. Physically I feel great. Physically, I could be pregnant and happy for many more months.
Emotionally, not so much. My moods are usually pretty consistent. I’m naturally upbeat and haven’t had big mood swings since I was a teenager. Until this week. This week I’m fine one minute and crying about something “mean” somebody said the next.
But I can deal with that.
What I’m really having trouble with is the fear of being induced. I really really really really, cannot stress enough reallys, do not want to be induced. Genetics are not in my favor. My grandma was induced with all five of her kids- one of them after going six weeks overdue. An aunt was induced at 3.5 weeks overdue. My mom was never induced, but was late with both my sister and me.
If baby doesn’t come this week, I am scheduled to be induced on April 17th…and that terrifies me.
What is so bad about being induced?
Lots of women are induced everyday. Many of you were induced, and you’re fine and your children are healthy and beautiful. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know it’s not the end of the world, but that part of my mind isn’t really working right now.
I’ve spent the last several months reading about Pitocin and the associated risks. They include unnaturally strong contractions, blockage of the hormone that helps you deal with pain, limited mobility, increased epidural usage and the risks that come with that, increased risk of Csection, increased risk of uterine rupture, and more. Basically, everything I don’t want my labor to be. These things put fear in my mind, and fear is the worst place to start a labor. Every woman has an idea of what their labor is going to look like, and many are okay with epidurals and Pitocin. And that’s fine, no judgement here. But just because it’s right for some women does not mean it’s right for me. Just like I cannot possibly understand why some women willingly get induced, I don’t expect everyone to understand why I am so adamantly against it unless it’s absolutely necessary (and it is sometimes).
So why induce in the first place?
Inductions are necessary in some cases. After a certain period of time, the placenta that supplies nutrients to the baby begins to break down. The baby no longer gets the things it needs to survive and thrive. The child my grandma was six weeks late with is mentally handicapped for this very reason. It’s harder for babies that are very late to go through the birthing process, and the stillborn rates and Csection rates go up after 42 weeks.
To make a good decision about when I would be induced, if it gets to that point, I Googgled “Risks of post-term delivery vs. risks of labor induction.” I wanted to do some honest research. Bad idea. For the next week I am not going to Google anything that includes the words “risk” and “induction” or “Pitocin”.
I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday trying to come to peace with the possibility of using Pitocin, and I just couldn’t do it. But I do have many other things to try. Some are basic, like sex and walking and primrose oil. I scheduled a massage with a lady who specializes in labor induction. I may try acupuncture. I read that pineapples have an enzyme in them that can soften the cervix, so I bought three pineapples. I’m still doing yoga. I’m drinking raspberry leaf tea. I’m going to talk to the midwife about some homeopathic options and about stripping my membranes, if it comes to that. I’m even talking to my baby and my cervix. I’m talking to my cervix, people! I have truly gone crazy.
I still have a week, and that’s a long time. If I do everything within my power to evict Nugget and s/he still stays put, then maybe- MAYBE- I can come to peace with using Pitocin. But until then I’ll be riding the crazy train.