I’ve had a bad attitude lately.
It’s now been three years since we began trying to start our family. It’s a little surreal that we will have a baby in a couple of days.
But between now and baby, there is one little thing that needs to happen. Labor and Delivery.
If you’re not the one having a baby, and maybe for some women who are, it’s easy to focus on the baby. It hasn’t been easy for me. It’s been such a long journey that I still don’t quite believe that we’re going to have a baby, and I know I have to make it through labor first. It’s been a lot easier for me to focus on labor.
I’ve always been a planner and a researcher, but I think I’m also pretty flexible and adaptable. Some of you have expressed concerns that I would be disappointed if things didn’t go exactly as I had planned, but I knew they wouldn’t. I knew I might end up needing an epidural, or a Csection, or any number of other things that weren’t exactly what I wanted. Those things would be disappointing, yes, but I have been preparing myself for them.
What I hadn’t been preparing myself for was being induced. I always had a feeling that I would go late, but I honestly believed that if I walked enough miles/had enough sex/did enough squats/got the right massage/took enough primrose oil/did enough yoga/ate enough spicy foods/insert any other thing to induce labor, that I would eventually go into labor on my own. I never really thought I would do all those things and still have to be induced.
Last week was a really hard week for me. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. Then I talked myself through the above things and realized- I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY!
I think it’s important- incredibly important- for every woman to be educated and knowledgeable about her options, and to not trust everything culture presents as “normal” as truly normal and good. But after one does their research and knows where they stand, sometimes you just have to let go. Sometimes you can do all the right things and still not get the outcome you hoped for. Sometimes you get to the last resort. And that’s okay! The journey is important, but the destination is what really matters. Our destination, one way or another, is very close!
*I am currently 12 days overdue. Tomorrow afternoon I have a midwife appointment. If I don’t go into labor on my own, I will go to the hospital at 4:00 pm on Tuesday. They will put me on Cervidil overnight to prepare my cervix for birth. There is a chance the Cervidil will trigger contractions. If not, I will start Pitocin on Wednesday morning.