Back in late 2009, when it became apparent that having a biological child would not come easy for us, I really started on a spiritual journey. I constantly prayed that we would be blessed with a baby. When that didn’t happen, I got mad and stopped praying for awhile. Then I started praying that I would be okay with whatever God’s will was- but I let Him know that I hoped His will aligned with my desires for a baby. Eventually, I truly began to let go of my visions for our family. I really started trusting in whatever came our way, even if it was not what I thought I wanted. And so began our crazy journey.
And now it’s 2012. We have our baby. Where do we go from here?
The honest answer: I don’t know.
I’ve thrown my hands up in surrender, admitting that this life is way too unpredictable for me to try to guess what’s next.
I can tell you what our plans are. Our plans are to continue our adoption as soon as we can. That means over the next several months we will be working on updating our paperwork and hope to complete our adoption within the next year or so.
At this point, we don’t know what that looks like. Several things have changed with Ethiopian adoption since we started the process in August 2010. I can’t say for sure that our adopted children will come from Ethiopia, although that’s still our plan. I can’t tell you if I should be saying adopted “children” or “child”. I can’t tell you how old they will be or what gender they will be. I can’t even tell you what we want– we need to have some conversations with our agency to better understand where the needs are and how our abilities line up with those needs.
And what will happen if I get pregnant again? I’ve heard that just because one had difficulties conceiving the first time doesn’t mean they will have difficulties the second or third time. I would love to have another biological baby at some point (or two or three or four more biobabies) but right now I am really focused on adoption. I don’t want another pregnancy to delay us even more…but it could happen, and that’s in the back of my mind.
We are looking forward to expanding our family- but how that will look, I just don’t know. And I’m okay with that. None of my family plans have really worked out, but if they had I would not have my beautiful son. As we begin (re) preparing our paperwork, we will be prayerfully considering what’s next for us. I’ll let you know as soon as we figure that out- and then keep you updated each time it changes. 🙂