In May we traded houses with a friend. We each retained ownership and our mortgages. Her mortgage is more than ours, but rather than paying her rent we are doing some upgrades to the house that should eventually help her sell the place. As part of those upgrades, we replaced the refrigerator.
For you non-math majors, that means we have two full-size refrigerators- the new one and the old one, which is now in the garage. If you count the ‘beer’ fridge in the basement left over from my dorm days, we have 2.5 refrigerators. Any reasonable person would think that is more than enough for a family of three, yes?
But my husband is not a reasonable person. He thought he just had to have a full size fridge for the basement.
I told him “No Way Jose. If you want that, use your own personal money.” I thought that would end our little discussion, because what type of person would spend their own money on a fridge that tips the fridge to people ratio in the direction of the fridges?
My husband, that’s who.
So one day I come home and there is a fridge sitting in the middle of the basement. If the picture was in one of those “what doesn’t belong” drawings, any three-year-old would circle the ginormous fridge. It looked like aliens just dropped a fridge in the middle of the living area. It looked so ridiculous that I could not walk by it without laughing. The husband tried to explain how important it was to have a fridge close to his poker table. I tried to explain some basic rules of interior decorating.
We came to an agreement and he moved it to another spot, where I thought it might look a little better. I was wrong. It still looked ridiculous. I could walk by without laughing, but only about 30% of the time. The other times I could not hold back the giggles.
So one day I was home alone and I got determined to get this fridge out of the living area and into the storage area, where a totally unnecessary fridge belongs. Have you heard the stories about how people drunk on adrenaline can do crazy things like lift cars? I’ve never lifted a car, but I have sure done some crazy things around the house when I’m alone and determined. One time I moved a piano after the husband told me if he moved it by himself he would end up in the emergency room.
So I push the fridge, by myself,a few weeks after giving birth, across carpet all the way to the storage room. Then I noticed a big problem- the refrigerator was wider than the door. Not to be deterred, I start asking a guy friend for advice. He suggested taking off the doors.
I do not know how to use any tools except maybe a hammer and a screwdriver.
So I lug the toolbox and try all the tools until I find something that works, only it doesn’t work at all, and when the husband got home the fridge was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, blocking the entry into the basement.
I had to ask for help. I got a lecture about how it was impossible, and how this was a horrible idea, and how important it is to have a full size refrigerator next to the mini refrigerator for all that beer they’re going to drink the three times a year he hosts poker night.
I told him to take off the doors and leave me alone.
He did, after betting me $500 that it was never going to work.
After several hours, a lot of pushing, a little cursing, a stubbed toe, heavy sweating, serious doubting, lifting the fridge (by myself) over a pipe that I thought I could remove but I couldn’t, and total rearrangement of the storage room, I finally achieved my goal.
I still haven’t gotten that $500.