We’ve been in the adoption world for over two years now, and sometimes it still feels like it will never happen.
We are frustrated with it all.
Our adoption came off hold about a month ago. Technically, that means we could receive a phone call at any time. Barring any weird delays like we had last time, we should bring home our kid(s) about six months after that phone call. During those six months we will make two trips to Africa. The first will be to meet our child(ren) and to legally adopt them in Ethiopia. The second trip will be to clear the US Embassy and bring them home.
Pretty exciting stuff, yes?
Except that we don’t really feel excited at all. We both wholeheartedly want to, and plan to, continue our adoption. It just feels like we have been burned and now we’re a little jaded. Adoption feels like a dream that we have chased for too long now and we’re beginning to question if it’s ever really going to happen. We’ve watched acquaintances complete two separate adoptions in less time than it’s taken us to complete one. It’s frustrating.
It’s also hard to get excited about something when you have no idea what it’s going to look like. We could be blessed with a two-year old-boy, or a seven-year-old girl, or a pair of five-year-old twins. We could make our journey in a few months or in a couple years. We just have no clue. Sometimes- more often than I like to admit- my head goes crazy thinking about all the different possible scenarios. A few weeks ago we had a call with our case worker and afterwards I felt manic for the first time in my life. My heart was pumping and I went crazy doing online research and looking through Rainbow Kids. I contacted other agencies and contemplated switching to a different program, one with more needy children but less regulation like Uganda or Democratic Republic of Congo. I start imagining the endless possible scenarios for our family- What if it takes another two years? What if I get pregnant again- that would be so exciting but so bad for our adoption? What if we get the call tomorrow? What if, what if, what if? My thoughts are tumbling around like clothes in a dryer and they are rattling my brain and making me crazy.
So excited? Yes, we are excited- but cautiously so. Excited and very impatient. Ready to get this show on the road!