Originally written July 26th. Last time I told you how we found out I was pregnant and got a referral for 2 kids within about a 48 hour span….
We called an acquaintance of ours, someone we barely know but who is very knowledgeable about adoption and whose opinion we trust (except for when it comes to universities; her major character flaw is that she’s a kU fan). She shared with us some of the struggles she had with adopting an older child and kept it real- not to scare us, but to be honest about some of the challenges we would face.
And then she asked the question “Would your agency even let you do this?”
I told her we wouldn’t tell the agency. You might remember that last time we told the agency I was expecting when we had a referral, they took the referral away. We didn’t want that to happen again. Because if we don’t adopt now, it’s off the books for a long time. You see, last time our paperwork expired and we could just update it. It wasn’t that big of a deal really. This time it would be. Some of the paperwork you can only update once. So if it expired again, we would have to start all over again. All of our work, all of our time, all of our fees- they would be for nothing. Plus, we couldn’t accept another referral until baby #2 is one-year-old- and then it would have to be a baby so that we wouldn’t disrupt birth order, since Wiggles would be older. We didn’t want to get overly excited about adoption and make a poor decision. But we also knew that if we didn’t get this referral now, adoption wasn’t going to happen for years, if ever. And that thought was crushing.
Although we had always said if we got pregnant again we wouldn’t tell our agency, that just wasn’t sitting right with us. It wasn’t honest. It wasn’t right. And if we ran into delays with getting the children home- a very real possibility- we could really find ourselves in a tough situation.
Still, even thought it didn’t feel right, I was planning on keeping the pregnancy a secret. We had invested too much in this adoption. I wanted this to happen too badly and wasn’t going to willingly give information that would very likely close this chapter. I was 99% sure that if we told them I was pregnant, we were kissing adoption good bye.
I am a big believer in fate and things working the way they are supposed to, and I thought that this crazy week was crazy for a reason. The husband said “So you believe that this is God’s will, and that you are required to lie in order for that will to happen?”
And that’s when I knew we had to tell them. I don’t know if this week is God’s will or just crazy timing, but I do know that God’s will doesn’t require lying.
We decided that we were going to be open to what was presented to us- to having this baby and to bringing the two kiddos home, making us a family of 6- as crazy as it sounded. We were up for it! But we were also going to be honest with our agency, and we knew there was a very very good chance that meant our adoption journey was over, at least for the near future.
Basically, we were going to be as open as we could possibly be while still being as honest as possible, and leave the future of our family up to our agency and to God. And so we called them the next day.
More next time….