Originally written July 31st
If you’ve been following along like a good little blog reader, you know how we found out we were pregnant and got a referral for two kiddos within 48 hours, how we decided to handle that news, and how the adoption agency reacted. Not a good little blog reader? Well, hi. We’ve been busy and you have some catching up to do.
So, over the weekend we tried to go on like normal human beings, but it was hard. Thoughts invaded my head without mercy. We told a few of our very closest friends, but we were dying to tell our families and other loved ones. I wanted to talk about it with everyone we came across! However, we knew we should keep it quiet until we knew more about what would happen.
The agency sent us a UPS package that contained all sorts of information- the full information on these kids, travel plans for Ethiopia, etc. It sat on our kitchen table, unopened. We had already seen pictures of these kids and gotten some basic info on them, but we didn’t want to become attached if it didn’t work out…and we were pretty sure it wasn’t going to work out.
Monday came and went, no word. The UPS package continued to sit, a constant reminder of our unknown fate.
Tuesday came. The agency called and I couldn’t answer.
I called them back a couple hours later. As I walked down the hall past my coworkers cubicles, my heart was pounding and I could barely breath. I was about to find out if our lives were going to get completely crazy or if we would continue to be a (relatively) normal family.
“Congratulations on your pregnancy!”
“We’ve decided to let you proceed.”
I don’t think the best writer in the world could possibly begin to explain what was running through my mind at that moment.
I sputtered out some non-sensical words, sounding like a blubbering idiot. My brain was going a zillion miles a minute. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I sort of squealed and did a little jump thing.
It’s a good thing I was in that conference room by myself!
I managed to ask a few questions, collect myself, and then call the husband to tell him the news. His response is unprintable.
When we found out this news, we both had a short period of happy panic. We were happy, no doubt. But do you realize what this means?!! We are going to have FOUR kids!!! FOUR!!!! And not four normal kids. Two kids that have gone through horrible things, don’t speak any English, and will be moving across the world to live with strangers. One newborn. One toddler just turning two. This is what we wanted, but we thought there was no way in H-e-double-hockey-sticks that the agency would let this happen. How are we going to do this?! Where are these kids going to sleep, we have more kids than bedrooms?! How are we going to fit these kids in one car, neither one of our cars holds six people?! How are we going to take care of these kids’ significant needs while also caring for a newborn?! Is poor Wiggles going to be completely neglected during this transition time?! How can we take this much time off work?! WHAT KIND OF CRAZY PEOPLE ARE WE AND WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR LIVES?!
Yeah, we both had a bit of a freak out period. I mean, we had thought about those things before, but they were just far-fetched theoretical questions then. Now, now they were real.
But then…peace. Once the adrenaline wore off we both, on our own, found a calming peace. The worries above? Yeah, they’re legit. But we’ll work it out. We’ve accepted that from the time these kiddos get home to the time our new baby is about six-months-old or so will not be the most fun time of our lives. It will not be a year we look fondly back on and wish to relive. It will be hard. We will get frustrated. We will cry. There will be setbacks and times we question our decisions. But you know what? We’ll get through it. We’ll get through it and once everyone is adjusted, I think we’re going to have pretty darn cool family.
In the car that day we heard the Hunter Hayes song that goes “I don’t want easy/I want crazy”. I think this will be our song of the year!
Next time I’ll tell you how (we hope) this will all go down….