Am I Screwing Everything Up?

If you don’t stalk me on Facebook, you might not know the latest about our adoption.

The birth mom is being interviewed by the US Embassy on January 14th.  Typically, the Embassy clears the case very quickly after the interview.  Adoptive parents usually have their appointment with the Embassy about 2 weeks after the interview, and they travel a few days before their appointment.

In other words, it is very likely that we could be leaving to pick up our children about 2 weeks from today.

Here is what goes through my mind when I ponder that fact:

AK;LDNAL;EIWOAPFEA[NCKDA;N[SA FAJKL FJIE WARIEOWA KZL; N DL;NVKL ADAKFDA;FDA; ERIANDAN;N BVLA;EARUEIAVAAJK EIAU I[RELD;VFJDAKJDKL;JFIEOAU RNJ;3NADKJ;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other words, I am freaking out.

I should have learned by now not to get ahead of myself.  It’s possible that the birth mom won’t show up for her interview, or that the Embassy will request additional information.  Either one of these things could delay our case.  But those things are the exceptions, not the norm.

We’ve been in this process for almost 3.5 years now.  The whole time, bringing our kids home always seemed so far away.  It was like the pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow and we were never sure if we would ever get there.  It was a distant thought, something that might happen someday but certainly wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Except now it is.

And all I can think about is:

AM I SCREWING EVERYTHING UP?

We have it so good now.  Most days I get home at a reasonable time and have at least an hour, often more, of pure Mommy-and-Wiggles time.  We snuggle.  We read.  We play choo choos and I tickle his bum and he helps me “cook”.  That’s not going to be the case for much longer.

Am I screwing everything up?

The kids we’re adopting, like all kids that have lost their biological families for whatever reason, are broken.  Their little lives are going to change in ways they can’t even begin to imagine.  I’ve done my reading, talked to the experts, have a good network of fellow adoptive parents, but really, I am a white girl from Savannah MO…who am I to think that I’m anywhere near qualified to deal with the needs these kids have?

Am I screwing everything up?

In two weeks I’ll be 7 months pregnant.  My energy is much lower than usual.  My belly is much bigger than usual.  Most mornings I feel nauseated.  These kids are going to require a lot of energy, and they deserve parents who can give them every bit of energy they need.

Am I screwing everything up?

We have a great routine now.  We precook our dinners so we can just heat them up during the week.  We finally, finally, reached a way to split household chores that seems mostly fair.  There’s going to be way more chores, way more of a need to plan, and way less time to do it all in.

Am I screwing everything up?

The reality of our situation sank in today and I am feeling totally overwhelmed and under qualified.  I want these kids to come home as soon as possible, but I also want to freeze time and just enjoy this nice little quiet peaceful life I currently live.

The husband and I are both off for MLK Jr day on the 20th.  I told him today that we need to do something special with Wiggles as it will likely be the last time we have to spend quality time as a family of three without work or weekend rush.

And then I cried.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

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2 Comments

Filed under Adoption Process, Preparing for Kids

2 responses to “Am I Screwing Everything Up?

  1. Candace

    Jayme, first of all I have to praise Mark and Yourself for what you are opening your hearts/family and most importantly your love and open arms to these two wonderful children that God has blessed all of you with.
    If God didn’t think you two wonderful parents couldn’t handle this then you wouldn’t be this far in the process. I know I don’t know much about what your going through or had to go through but honestly with an outsider looking in I think you both are very much ready for this journey! I know it seems like a lot but look at what you have already done and been through.(a lot) he has prepared you both physically, mentally and very much emotionally. You may think and wonder if you’re screwing everything up but you will never know until you follow through with everything, and even then you will find out that all along you made the right choice because this is the road God Has chosen for you all. Just always remember God found and chose you and Mark to menned these two little hearts for he knows you both are perfect for these children. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  2. Pingback: Ryan Padraig Kelly Screwing | ryanpadraigkelly268

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